No, not that Friday feeling. The other Friday feeling. The one I used to get years ago when Cheryl and I worked at Paladon. We all used to pile into the pub at lunchtime, and then we’d call in the shop and buy sweets. And a couple of hours later, after scoffing the sweets, I’d send her a network message (this was before we had email, children) that said ‘I feel sick’.
And that is exactly how I feel right now.
I know it will all be OK. I know I can cope with whatever I’m likely to face. I know my children won’t starve, that Kit is perfectly capable of caring for them, that there are plenty of people they can turn to for a hug. I also know that once I’m on the train I’ll be fine. It’s just that I’ve got to get through nearly 36 hours first.
Still … I’ve got to put in a day at the office tomorrow, and that’s likely to be so frantic that I won’t have time to give a thought to the trip. When I get home I can have a long hot bath. I’ve still got that sewing to do, and I’d like to give the kitchen a quick once-over so it’s nice for Mum doing the breakfast shift on Thursday. And it would be nice – it would be very, very nice – if I could actually get some sleep. Usually if I can’t sleep before a journey I don’t worry about it because I can sleep on the train. But this time, firstly if I sleep on the train I’ll miss all the foreign vistas; and secondly, I’m supposed to be sleeping on at least one train, and experience suggests I may not sleep quite as soundly as Deutsche Bahn’s advert would have me believe. And I absolutely do not want to arrive in Austria exhausted before we even start.
So as well as all the things I’m worrying about, which are preventing me from sleeping, even though I know I don’t need to worry about them, I’m also now worrying about … erm … not sleeping.
At work, whenever I’m going on leave, there comes a moment where I think ‘Oh bugger it, I’m not going to get it all done before I go, am I?’ Usually this moment arrives at lunchtime on my last day in the office. But this time, it came at 4pm today. At least I think it did; that was certainly the moment that I decided two particularly big pieces of work didn’t stand a chance. But it was also the moment I started to make a list of what was left. I’d managed to cross off some of it before I finished for the day, but it still looks like more than I can possibly fit into tomorrow. I should really try to get some sleep …